Dear Lio,
I have an employee who has developed a case of “learned helplessness.” Every time a challenge pops up, they immediately come to me for the answer instead of trying to figure it out themselves. I get it – sometimes guidance is needed – but I don’t want to turn into a human search engine. How do I get them to problem-solve without just handing them the solution?
– All out of answers
Lio’s typing ...
Ah, the lament of the over-consulted manager. It starts innocently enough – an occasional “quick question” here, a harmless “sense check” there. But before long, you’re less of a leader and more of a sentient FAQ page, fielding queries that a Google search (or a moment’s thought) could have answered just as well.
What you’re describing – your employees' reflexive dependence on you – isn't just laziness so much as habit, reinforced by a workplace culture that often prizes speed over self-sufficiency.
And, let’s be honest, it can feel good to be the go-to guru. But it can become frustrating when you spend so much time spoon-feeding solutions that your own to-do list starts gathering dust.
Breaking this cycle won’t come from simply withholding answers. If you want real change, you’ll need to reshape how this employee approaches problems altogether.
That’s where one-on-one performance coaching comes in as a way to guide them toward independence, critical thinking, and crucially, the confidence to navigate challenges on their own.
The good news is that you don’t have to be their brain – you just have to help them use theirs more effectively. Here’s how:
1. Stop answering; start asking
The temptation to swoop in with a solution is nearly Pavlovian. A direct report enters your office (or your Slack DMs), brow furrowed, problem in hand, and before they finish their sentence, you’re already drafting an answer in your mind.
It’s efficient, you tell yourself. It keeps things moving. Except, it doesn’t. It creates an ever-growing dependency loop where you become less of a manager and more of an on-demand troubleshooting service.
Cognitive psychologists like Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, the architects of Self-Determination Theory, have long argued that autonomy is a key driver of motivation (as well as being essential for wellbeing).
Employees who actively work through their own challenges – rather than being handed solutions – develop deeper problem-solving skills, stronger autonomy, and a greater sense of engagement.
So, instead of feeding them a ready-made solution, in your next 1:1, consider responding with:
- That’s an interesting challenge – what have you tried so far?”
- “If I weren’t here, how would you approach this?”
- "What’s one possible next step you could take?”
By flipping the script, you subtly transfer the cognitive load back to them, nudging them toward independent thinking. It also fosters trust, psychological safety, and a genuine sense of ownership – turning you from an answer dispenser into a strategic thought partner.
2. Embrace the (productive) pause
Silence is underrated. We tend to fill it, pad it, smooth over it with words – even when those words do little more than crowd the space where real thinking might happen. If an employee lobs a question at you and then stares expectantly, resist the reflex to rescue them. Instead, let the pause linger. It may feel awkward at first, but within that silence lies something powerful: the opportunity for them to solve the problem themself.
Neuroscientists studying problem-solving have found that moments of reflection — those gaps between stimulus and response — are when our brains form new connections. Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel Prize-winning psychologist, describes two modes of thinking: fast (intuitive, reactive) and slow (deliberate, analytical). While instinct has its place, it’s that slower, effortful thinking that leads to real breakthroughs.
So, when an employee comes to you with a problem, don’t try to be a hero by jumping in and solving it for them. Give them a moment. More often than not, they’ll land on a solution themselves or at least move closer to one.
This technique isn’t just about efficiency – it's about development. High performers, in particular, thrive when given the space to wrestle with uncertainty. If they get too accustomed to instant answers, they miss out on the struggle that sharpens their problem-solving skills. And let’s be honest – your time is too valuable to be spent answering questions they could, with a little effort, answer themselves.
So, embrace the pause. It’s not empty space – it's where the magic happens.
3. Build a culture of psychological safety
An employee who clings to you for answers isn’t just looking for a shortcut – they may be trying to avoid something far worse: being wrong.
In many workplaces, the cost of a mistake – real or perceived – feels high enough to shut down independent thinking altogether. If every error is met with a sigh, a scolding, or an implicit you should’ve known better, it’s no wonder some employees default to checking in before making a move.
Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson, whose research on psychological safety has reshaped how we think about leadership, explains that “Learning behaviours are usually discretionary, somewhat effortful, and potentially embarrassing. They bring interpersonal risk.”
When employees feel safe enough to take these risks – like floating an idea that isn’t fully formed – their learning accelerates. Conversely, when leaders rush in with answers, it signals that their input isn’t needed. Why struggle through a problem when the boss will solve it in five seconds?
Here’s how to help create an environment of psychological safety:
- Redefine work as a lab, not a performance. Instead of treating tasks as pass/fail assignments, frame them as opportunities to experiment and refine.
- Show your own scratches and dents. Nothing kills fear of failure like a leader who openly admits theirs. Share the times you’ve messed up – especially the big ones – and what they taught you.
- Step back so they can step up. If you always steer the ship, no one else learns how to navigate. In meetings, resist the urge to weigh in immediately. Give them the room to figure things out, even if their first answer isn’t the best one.
When employees stop fearing mistakes, they start engaging more fully. And when they engage more fully, they stop outsourcing all their thinking to you. It’s a win-win.
4. Shift from problem-solving to progress-making
Performance coaching isn’t about handing out answers like free samples at a grocery store. Rather, it’s the art of making space. Space for employees to think, to wrestle with complexity, to arrive, however haltingly, at their own conclusions.
Research suggests that when individuals construct their own action plans, they are significantly more likely to follow through. The reason is straightforward: a solution that is merely given remains external, something received and just as easily discarded. A solution that is built, on the other hand, becomes personal – owned rather than borrowed.
This is where the notion of the psychological contract enters the equation. Developed by organisational scholar Denise Rousseau, the psychological contract is not about the formal mechanics of employment – salaries, benefits, performance reviews. It’s about the unspoken expectations that shape a person’s engagement with their work: the tacit understandings, the subtle transactions of trust and accountability that, while never codified, exert immense influence.
In coaching, this contract takes the form of a verbal agreement, defining not just what will be discussed but how. Crucially, it establishes a single, pivotal truth: the employee owns the problem, the process, and ultimately, the outcome. The manager’s role is not to solve but to guide, to challenge, to serve as both mirror and sounding board.
But coaching alone isn’t enough. Progress requires structure. If real change is to occur, the dialogue must be followed by a framework – one that turns insight into action and intention into movement.
The bottom line
So, All out of answers, it makes sense that your employee keeps coming to you. Why wouldn’t they? You have the answers. You’re the human equivalent of a search bar, only faster and with better judgment.
And if you’re honest, there’s a certain satisfaction in being the person who knows things. Until, suddenly, you’re less of a manager and more of their personal, problem-solving concierge.
This is the trap: the more you answer, the more they ask. Not because they’re incapable but because it’s efficient. A question tossed your way gets resolved in seconds. A problem they tackle on their own? That could take minutes. Maybe hours. Maybe – god forbid – trial and error. And who has the time for that?
Breaking this cycle isn’t about withholding information like some kind of workplace riddle master. It’s about shifting how you respond.
The next time they come to you, resist the reflex to fill the silence and use it as a coaching opportunity. Ask, “What do you think?” Watch them wrestle with it. Wait for the gears to turn. The first few times, it’ll be excruciating. Then, something shifts. They pause before asking. They work through half the problem before bringing it to you. One day, miraculously, they solve it on their own.
And just like that, you’re no longer the first stop for every hiccup. You’re the last. Which is exactly where you should be.
Of course, getting there takes practice. That’s where the Manager Conversation Solution comes in. It includes five highly-relevant learning sessions, engagement tools, and an AI conversation coach (that’s me, Lio) to help you navigate these moments in real time.
Because the best managers aren’t answer machines. They’re the ones who teach their teams to think for themselves.
